Sometimes I really wonder. Am I lying to myself?
Life is full of surprises and you never know where it is going to take you. Today you are up, tomorrow you are down, and with these life changing movements you are left to find yourself, pick up the pieces and clean up after the storm.
Overtime, this has helped most of us be prepared for the setbacks of life and learn to somewhat expect the unexpected. The wake up call that led me to really learn to be prepared for the unforeseen was last year when my paternal Grandmother passed. She was a lovely soul, someone I cherished. I had spoken to her a few weeks before she died and she sounded well, despite the fact that she was in a lot of stress looking after my Grandfather, who we thought would be the first to pass based on his condition. However, when my siblings and I got the call on that fateful Saturday afternoon in May that my Grandmother had passed a few hours earlier in rather sudden and tragic circumstances, it was a shocker. We all expected her to outlive my Grandfather since she was being his caretaker.
That was one of the many moments in 2016 that I learnt life is not always going to turn out how you expect it. Sure, I have had lessons before then that taught me the same thing many times over, but there was just something about the events of last year that made it seem like my life was taking so many unexpected tangents. After my Grandmother’s passing, the failure of my business followed later that summer (and you can check the archives for the many articles I have written about that). It was like I was stepping on a landmine at every step.
After the year that was, I promised myself that I would be stronger. Learn to accept disappointment, defeat, and adversity. Learn to be triumphant in spirit no matter the circumstance. But, today I had a break in that vow after being somewhat disappointed with the outcome of a major event at this juncture in my life. All is not lost, but this imposing feeling of disappointment and unpreparedness overtook me. It was like I was a stranger to this feeling all over again, and this feeling is something I have battled from childhood.
It made me start to wonder, am I lying to myself? Are the ups and downs of life too much to handle, to be stoic about, to brush off as mere bumps in the road? And, while thinking all that, there is this incessant voice in my head that keeps reassuring me, you are still human, you are still learning, still believe. Believe that everything will work out, but expect the occasional hurdles, expect the occasional disappointments and defeats, but do not let them control you.
I preach positivity, strength and will power to you guys everyday. But being an author of such writing does not make me immune to the weaknesses of flesh. I try my utmost best to be positive, be at peace with my mind and body, however, sometimes reality strikes and I have to catch myself and bounce back. Life is a never ending polygraph, because we lie to ourselves all the time. Lying to ourselves saying we can be strong, we can handle the disappointments and the setbacks. The reality is, that will not always happen. There will be those moments that life will throw you an upper cut in the gut, and you have to take the time to react to the pain, to process the emotions, and to question how you will respond.
Will you fight back or will you take it lying down? The polygraph might intimidate you, make you anxious and frightened. But, the polygraph is not there to do any of that, it is there to help you be honest to yourself and those around you. Your integrity will be questioned, but at the end of the day none of us are perfect.
You will always hit stumbling blocks, but the polygraph question is…will you overcome?